the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
