If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
And then my night got REAL pukey
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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