I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
