i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
