I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
