Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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