Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
