So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
