I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You smell like stripper and shame
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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