the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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