the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
