I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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