The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
