im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
