great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
