So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
