Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
false alarm. still invincible.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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