TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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