He uses pillows to masturbate.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
