to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
