Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
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