at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
