did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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