If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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