I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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