I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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