Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
