Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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