hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
