we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
