New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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