so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
