dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We got so high we made milksteak
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
