garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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