I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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