Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
