Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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