I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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