Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
