Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
