Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
