You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
