i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
