Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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