Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
