Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
