Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.