Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
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Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
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I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'