Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.