i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.