oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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