both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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