You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
