I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
