I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
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