her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
