Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
