Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
