You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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