totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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