My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
