FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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