Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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