you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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