a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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