he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
