Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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