just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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