i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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