i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
