Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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