You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
