eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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