lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
