don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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